Manager, a woman
clipboard, pencil, dumbell, time clock (you can make one out of a box), time card, hammer, nail, paper bag
(Manager enters with clipboard)
Manager: I sure hope that new hire shows up. Without some more help around here, we'll fall behind schedule for sure.
(Rosie enters, pumping dumbell with one hand)
Rosie: Are you the manager?
Manager: Hey, we don't need any dumbells around here.
Rosie: But I have an appointment.
Manager: No, I mean the weight.
Rosie: Oh. I heard you needed good muscle tone for this job.
Manager: It certainly helps. You must be the new applicant.
Rosie: That's right.
Manager: Now that all the men have been called to active duty, I'm in charge. It's our contribution to the war effort to keep things running around here. We're glad to have you aboard, but first we'll have to fill out some paperwork. Name?
Rosie: Rosie Rosenthall.
Manager: (repeats as if writing it down) Rosie...Rosenthall... and where were you before you came here?
Rosie: I was at home. Then I took the bus to get here.
Manager: I mean, where did you work last?
Rosie: I worked at a travel agency, but I quit because I was going nowhere. Then I worked at a used boat lot.
Manager: Motor boats?
Rosie: No, I was in charge of sails.
Manager: Why did you leave?
Rosie: That job was too boring. I'm hoping for something more interesting, something riveting.
Manager: Then you've come to the right place; we certainly do riveting. We're looking for reliable people who aren't afraid of hard work.
Rosie: That's me. Reliable is my middle name.
Manager: (slowly, as if writing it down) Rosie...Reliable...Rosenthall. Good. Do you have any questions for me?
Rosie: Yes, how many people work here?
Manager: About one out of ten.
Rosie: What do we do about lunch?
Manager: Usually Rolaids.
Rosie: Can I request a day off if I need one?
Manager: You can request a dozen days off every month.
Rosie: I get twelve days off every month?
Manager: I didn't say you get twelve days off, I said you can request them. You won't get any.
Rosie: That's okay. When can I start?
Manager: Right now. I'll start your training today. The first thing you'll do every day is punch the time clock. (points to clock)
Rosie: Like this?
(Rosie punches clock)
Manager: No, no! You just punch your card.
Rosie: Oh. (picks up card so audience can see, punches card)
Manager: Let's just skip over that part. Now, you'll get two breaks every day.
Rosie: Especially if I have to keep punching stuff. (shakes hand as if it hurts)
Manager: Forget about the punching. Let's try a wrench. I'm going to give these nuts to you...
Rosie: Nuts to you, too.
Manager: No, this bag of nuts. (hands bag to Rosie)
Rosie: Are they mixed nuts?
Manager: Pretty much...all different sizes.
Rosie: I like nuts. (reaches in bag and pretends to eat one) Lots of iron.
Manager: Forget about the nuts. (holds up board) Here's a board. We need to fasten it to another board.
Rosie: Is that what they call a meeting of the board?
Manager: (holds up hammer) I don't suppose you know what to do with this.
Rosie: Not really.
Manager: You use it to hit nails.
Rosie: Okay. (takes hammer, pretends to hit her own thumb)
Manager: No, not your fingernail! You use it to hit these kind of nails. (hands nail to Rosie)
Rosie: (holds up nail) Oh, I get it.
Manager: Hold the extra nails in your mouth to keep them handy.
Rosie: (puts nail in mouth & prepares to hammer) Oops!
Manager: What's wrong?
Rosie: (takes nail from mouth & holds it so only a stub is visible to audience) I just broke a nail.
Manager: It's clear that you don't know much about tools, but we're pretty desperate for help here, so we'll keep you on anyway. I hope you'll be happy here at Two Gals.
Rosie: Don't you mean Two-two Gals?
Manager: No, just Two Gals. The Two Gals Construction Company.
Rosie: I thought this was The Tutu Gals Ballet Company. I want to audition to be a ballerina. (Raises arms in ballet pose)
Manager: Wait -- The Tutu Gals Ballet Company is hiring? I've always wanted to be a ballerina. (Raises arms in ballet pose)
Rosie: So, what are we waiting for? Let's go audition.
(Both raise arms in ballet pose and twirl out)
copyright 2023 by Linda Campanella and Whatsits Galore
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