by Linda Campanella

Mrs. Noah

Bible costumes if desired, but not necessary

tablet or clipboard, pen or pencil, broom

Noah: (holding clipboard) Man, I'm glad that's over!

Mrs. Noah: Yes, it's good to get out of that ark and onto dry land again.

Noah: Now all we have to do is go over the animal checklist.

Mrs. Noah: Let's get started. The sooner we start, the sooner we can get out of here. Two armadillos.

Noah: Check.

Mrs. Noah: Two polar bears.

Noah: Check.

Mrs. Noah: Two flamingoes. Say, Noah, why does a flamingo lift one leg like that?

Noah: If it lifted both legs, it would fall over.

Mrs. Noah: Two snakes.

Noah: Good-bye, snakes. Go forth and multiply.

Mrs. Noah: They can't, they're adders. Two camels.

Noah: Check.

Mrs. Noah: Two water buffalo.

Noah: Check.

Mrs. Noah: Two cats. I wonder why cats swallow their own fur.

Noah: I guess they love a good gag.

Mrs. Noah: Two cows. Say, why did you put a bell on the cow?

Noah: Because her horns don't work.

Mrs. Noah: I wonder what's taking the elephants so long.

Noah: Maybe they had to pack their trunks.

Mrs. Noah: Two crocodiles.

Noah: Check.

Mrs. Noah: Two kangaroos.

Noah: Check.

Mrs. Noah: Two dogs. You know, those dogs broke into the food stores and ate all the garlic.

Noah: I guess now their bark is worse than their bite.

Mrs. Noah: Two honeybees. Can bees even survive in this new colder weather?

Noah: Not without their little yellow jackets. Get it? Yellow jackets...

Mrs. Noah: Two ants.

Noah: If ants are so hard-working, why do they always have time to show up at picnics?

Mrs. Noah: Two mongooses, er, mongeese...mongoose, two of them.

Noah: Check.

Mrs. Noah: Two pigs. Oh, I hate those pigs.

Noah: Why?

Mrs. Noah: One is a squealer and the other is a boar. Two cheetahs

Noah: Go forth and multiply, cheetahs.

Mrs. Noah: They can't. Don't you know that cheetahs never prosper? Two sheep. (she falls asleep after counting them)

Noah: Check. (pause) What's next, honey?

Mrs. Noah: (wakes up) Huh? Oh, sorry, that always happens when I count the sheep. Two geese.

Noah: Did you ever realize that a goose is the only animal that grows down as it grows up?

Mrs. Noah: Two tree frogs. Hey, what happened to those weird purple frogs that were six feet long?

Noah: They croaked.

Mrs. Noah: Two bald eagles.

Noah: Those are golden eagles.

Mrs. Noah: They're bald eagles. Notice how he has his feathers combed over to one side?

Noah: Oh, yeah. Check.

Mrs. Noah: Two leopards. Yesterday, I saw a monkey take a swing at one of the leopards.

Noah: I bet that hit the spot. Speaking of monkeys, why are there three monkeys over there? I thought we only brought two.

Mrs. Noah: Those are our sons!

Noah: Oh. Check.

Mrs. Noah: Well, that's it, Noah. All the animals are out of the ark.

Noah: And we can finally go.

Mrs. Noah: Not just yet. There's one more thing to do. (hands Noah a broom) You didn't think I was going to clean out that ark, did you?

Noah: Check.

(both exit)

copyright 2011-2020 by Linda Campanella and Whatsits Galore

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