He & She (husband and wife)
A Viking (playing all the other parts)
Viking hat and beard (Viking even wears the beard as Katrina)
He & She can wear tourist togs, if desired
Viking axe & other hand weapons, whistle, whip, towel, dish
She: Oh, honeybunch, I can't believe we're finally doing it! We're going on a cruise! I've always wanted to take a cruise vacation, and now we're really going!
He: You deserve it, lambie-pie. So I went to the travel agency and booked us two tickets with Viking Cruises. It'll be great.
She: And now we're here on an actual cruise ship. I'm so excited! I don't know what to do first.
He: There are a million things to do on a cruise ship. Let's start exploring.
She: I wonder what's in here?
(Viking enters with whip and whistle)
Viking: Hello, I am Lars, your fitness instructor. Welcome to the gym.
He: Wow, look at all the rowing machiines. There must be 200 guys rowing.
She: And look how hard they're going at it. We'll get in shape in no time here.
Viking: Hey, you! No slacking! (cracks whip) Stroke! Stroke! Stroke!
He: That's a pretty tough work-out regimen.
She: You'll have a stroke if you row that hard. Maybe we'd better look for the beginner's class.
He: Let's look over here.
(Viking enters with towel over one arm and a dish)
Viking: Hello, I am Sven, your dining steward.
She: We've found the dining room. Look at all the tables.
He: According to the brochure, it's all you can eat, 24/7.
She: What's on the menu for today, Sven?
Viking: Our special today is braised cod.
He: Oh, I don't like fish. What else do you have?
Viking: We're also serving smoked cod, stewed cod, cod alfredo, and turkey surprise.
He: I'll have the turkey surprise.
Viking: There you go, one turkey surprise. (Hands him a dish)
She: That looks like cod.
He: Maybe we'll wait and eat tomorrow. What's on the menu tomorrow?
Viking: Tomorrow, we're serving baked haddock, fried haddock, haddock almondine, and...
She: Turkey surprise?
Viking: Leftover cod.
She: Well, at least you won't gain weight on this cruise.
He: I should've checked the menu before booking.
She: Don't worry, sugar lips, we can still have a good time. I'm sure there are lots of fun things to do.
He: Well, the brochure did mention lots of activities. Let's go on a shore excursion.
She: Ooh, that sounds like fun!
(Viking enters with weapons)
He: Don't tell me. You're our cruise director.
Viking: That's right.
She: And what's your name? Erik? Olaf?
He: Okay, Katrina, what fun activity do you have planned?
Viking: A shore excursion. We are going to raid a village. Take these. (hands weapons to He & She) Now, follow me. Attack! (Viking exits, yelling battle cry)
She: That's their idea of a fun activity?
He: This is the worst vacation ever!
She: You should've booked a cruise with Carnival.
He: But you know I hate clowns.
She: Well, what about a Disney cruise?
He: That Mickey Mouse outfit?
She: So now what do we do?
He: Complain, that's what. I'll go right to the top. The captain.
(Viking enters with axe)
Viking: Hello, I am your captain, Guido.
He: Well, I have a bone to pick with you, Captain. This cruise stinks! The food is bad, and the activities are worse. We want our money back!
Viking: I'm sorry you feel that way. I like to deal with all complaints personally.
She: You do?
Viking: That's right. (Waves axe) This is how we deal with complaints on a Viking Cruise.
He: On second thought, we're having a great time.
She: Yeah, we love this cruise.
Viking: Are you sure? 'Cause we don't want no complainers around here.
He: Who, us? We never complain. In fact, we're going on one of your awesome shore excursions right now. Come on, sweetie.
(He & She exit waving weapons and yelling "attack")
Viking: How about that? Since we started giving these axes as gifts, we've cut customer complaints down to zero. (exits)
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