Large purse (the uglier, the better), band-aid, screw, rubber chicken
(Mom & Dad enter, she carrying a gigantic purse)
Dad: We finally made it to the mall. I can't believe the traffic!
Mom: Yeah, why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called the ‘rush hour’?
Dad: I don't know, but parking was a nightmare! I thought sure that spot we found by the fire exit would be restricted.
Mom: Oh, no, I checked, and the sign said 'Fine For Parking.'
Dad: That's good. I'd hate to get a ticket.
Mom: Now remember, we only have 2 hours to finish all our Christmas shopping.
Dad: Why don't we just buy everybody something useful? Like industrial strength toenail clippers?
Mom: That's what we bought last year.
Dad: Oh, yeah.
Mom: Don't worry, I have a complete list of everything we need to buy, along with sizes and colors, arranged in descending order according to which end of the mall carries it, in my purse.
Dad: And do you have the credit cards?
Mom: Right here in my purse.
Dad: What about the club cards to scan for points?
Mom: In the purse.
Dad: The frequent buyer cards?
Dad: You and that purse. You carry everything in there.
Mom: Wouldn't leave home without it. Besides, it pays to be prepared for anything.
Dad: You're a regular Boy Scout. All right, enough talk. Let's get this shopping over with.
Shopper 1: (enters) Pardon me, I cut my finger. Do you by any chance have a band-aid?
Dad: There's a drug store right over there.
Mom: No need, I have a band-aid right here in my purse. (gives Shopper 1 a band-aid)
Shopper 1: Thank you.
Dad: So, how did you cut yourself?
Shopper 1: On my sandwich.
Dad: How can you get a cut from a sandwich?
Shopper 1: Must've been the sharp cheddar. (exits)
Mom: Okay, time to get down to business. Let's grab a shopping cart.
Dad: The most expensive vehicle in the world to operate per mile.
Shopper 2: (enters) Excuse me, I know this will sound strange, but do you have a screw?
Mom: Actually, I have several screws in my purse. How long do you want it?
Shopper 2: Forever, if that's okay with you.
Mom: I mean, what size screw?
Shopper 2: I need a tiny one to fix my glasses.
Dad: How did you break your glasses?
Shopper 2: Well, I was in the toy store, and it was full of some really rowdy kids. I noticed a baseball flying through the air, and I wondered why it was getting bigger and bigger. Then, it hit me.
Dad: And broke your glasses.
Shopper 2: That's right.
Mom: (hands him a screw) Here you go.
Shopper 2: Thanks a lot. (exits)
Dad: Now that that's over, let's get on with our shopping. You know, I can't remember the last time I was here. This is a pretty nice place.
Mom: When you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen the mall.
Shopper 3: (enters) I'm sorry to bother you, but do you...
Dad: Here we go again. Don't worry, whatever you need, my wife has it in her purse.
Shopper 3: Do you by any chance know where I can get a rubber chicken?
Mom: (hands him a chicken) But of course.
Dad: I'm almost afraid to ask but, why do you need a rubber chicken?
Shopper 3: My wife sent me to get a chicken for supper.
Dad: But why rubber?
Shopper 3: With the economy the way it is, we have to stretch every meal. (exits)
Dad: Honey, I think you're amazing.
Mom: I feel the same way, sweetheart.
Dad: Why don't you say it?
Mom: Okay. I think I'm amazing. But enough about me. Time to get down to the Christmas shopping. We haven't got much time left.
Dad: Right. Let me have the list.
Mom: (looks through purse) Um...the list?
Dad: What's wrong?
Mom: I can't seem to find it.
Dad: You can't find it?
Mom: I think I forgot it at home.
Dad: That's impossible. Look again.
Mom: It's no use. I left it on the kitchen table.
Dad: Now what do we do.
Mom: Toenail clippers?
Dad: (nods) Toenail clippers.
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