Bible costumes if desired, but not necessary
tablet or clipboard, pen or pencil, broom
Noah: (holding clipboard) Man, I'm glad that's over!
Mrs. Noah: Yes, it's good to get out of that ark and onto dry land again.
Noah: Now all we have to do is go over the animal checklist.
Mrs. Noah: Let's get started. The sooner we start, the sooner we can get out of here. Two armadillos.
Mrs. Noah: Two polar bears.
Mrs. Noah: Two flamingoes. Say, Noah, why does a flamingo lift one leg like that?
Noah: If it lifted both legs, it would fall over.
Mrs. Noah: Two snakes.
Noah: Good-bye, snakes. Go forth and multiply.
Mrs. Noah: They can't, they're adders. Two camels.
Mrs. Noah: Two water buffalo.
Mrs. Noah: Two cats. I wonder why cats swallow their own fur.
Noah: I guess they love a good gag.
Mrs. Noah: Two cows. Say, why did you put a bell on the cow?
Noah: Because her horns don't work.
Mrs. Noah: I wonder what's taking the elephants so long.
Noah: Maybe they had to pack their trunks.
Mrs. Noah: Two crocodiles.
Mrs. Noah: Two kangaroos.
Mrs. Noah: Two dogs. You know, those dogs broke into the food stores and ate all the garlic.
Noah: I guess now their bark is worse than their bite.
Mrs. Noah: Two honeybees. Can bees even survive in this new colder weather?
Noah: Not without their little yellow jackets. Get it? Yellow jackets...
Mrs. Noah: Two ants.
Noah: If ants are so hard-working, why do they always have time to show up at picnics?
Mrs. Noah: Two mongooses, er, mongeese...mongoose, two of them.
Mrs. Noah: Two pigs. Oh, I hate those pigs.
Mrs. Noah: One is a squealer and the other is a boar. Two cheetahs
Noah: Go forth and multiply, cheetahs.
Mrs. Noah: They can't. Don't you know that cheetahs never prosper? Two sheep. (she falls asleep after counting them)
Noah: Check. (pause) What's next, honey?
Mrs. Noah: (wakes up) Huh? Oh, sorry, that always happens when I count the sheep. Two geese.
Noah: Did you ever realize that a goose is the only animal that grows down as it grows up?
Mrs. Noah: Two tree frogs. Hey, what happened to those weird purple frogs that were six feet long?
Noah: They croaked.
Mrs. Noah: Two bald eagles.
Noah: Those are golden eagles.
Mrs. Noah: They're bald eagles. Notice how he has his feathers combed over to one side?
Noah: Oh, yeah. Check.
Mrs. Noah: Two leopards. Yesterday, I saw a monkey take a swing at one of the leopards.
Noah: I bet that hit the spot. Speaking of monkeys, why are there three monkeys over there? I thought we only brought two.
Mrs. Noah: Those are our sons!
Noah: Oh. Check.
Mrs. Noah: Well, that's it, Noah. All the animals are out of the ark.
Noah: And we can finally go.
Mrs. Noah: Not just yet. There's one more thing to do. (hands Noah a broom)You didn't think I was going to clean out that ark, did you?
copyright 2011-2017 by Linda Campanella and Whatsits Galore
Return to Skits & Bits