Note: These characters can be male or female, but you'll need to change the line "Yes, ma'am" to "Yes, sir" as appropriate
none needed, but the server can wear a cap or visor if desired
tray, stuffed dog, shoelace, empty cup, empty plastic water bottle
Server: Welcome to Happy Pappy's Happy Hamburger Haven, Home of the Happy Pappy Burger. How can I make your day?
Customer: Uh, yeah. I'll have a chicken sandwich.
Server: A Classic Chicken?
Customer: A plain chicken sandwich.
Server: A Feisty Chicken?
Customer: Just a plain chicken sandwich.
Server: What do you mean by 'plain chicken sandwich?'
Customer: You know...chicken, bread...how many kinds can there be?
Server: We have the Spicy Chicken, Fantasy Chicken, Bacon Chicken, Chicken Lickin', Chicken Supreme, Chicken Delight...
Customer: Okay, okay. Give me the Chicken Lickin'.
Server: One Chicken Lickin' sandwich. Is that with or without peanut butter?
Customer: Peanut butter? On a chicken sandwich?
Server: Only on the Chicken Lickin' sandwich. That's what you ordered.
Customer: Unless I want it without peanut butter.
Customer: Okay, without.
Server: That's one Chicken Lickin' sandwich, no peanut butter. Any sides with that?
Customer: I guess so. What are my choices?
Server: We have Papa's Hot Poppers, Sweet 'n' Crunchy Sidekicks, or Hasty Tasties.
Server: We have Papa's Hot Poppers, Sweet 'n' Crunchy Sidekicks...
Customer: I know what you said. But what are they?
Server: Papa's Hot Poppers are tangy little bites of yummy goodness. Sweet 'n' Crunchy Sidekicks are mini snack morsels, and Hasty Tasties are neat, sweet munchy treats.
Customer: I know less about them now than before your explanation. Are they food?
Server: Oh, yes.
Customer: Fine. I'll have the first one.
Server: Papa's Hot Poppers?
Server: Large or small?
Server: They only come in small.
Customer: Then give me two small.
Server: If it's too small, why do you want it?
Customer: Just give me one of the popper things.
Server: Great! That's one Chicken Lickin' sandwich, and one Papa's Hot Poppers. Anything to drink with that?
Customer: I'll have an Ice Tea.
Server: Icee? The coldest drink in town! It comes in Cherry Chiller, Frozen Fruit Punch, and Brrr-Berry.
Customer: Not Icee, ice tea!
Server: Hi-C? We have Purple Passion, Banana Rama, & Tutti-Frutti.
Customer: I want Ice Tea! Not Icee! Not Hi-C! Ice Tea!
Server: I see.
Customer: Look, any one of the above will do.
Server: Okay, that's 1 Chicken Lickin', 1 Papa's Hot Poppers, and 1 Ice Tea.
Server: Is that small, medium, large, or jumbo?
Server: For here or to go?
Customer: To go.
Server: Paper or plastic?
Server: Cash or charge?
Server: Democrat or Republican? Sorry, got carried away.
Customer: Look, forget it. I'll go to the place across the street.
Server: But they use fillers and artificial ingredients. Our products are made from 100% real ingredients.
Server: Yep. We only use real chicken in the chicken sandwich and real cherries in the cherry pie.
Customer: In that case, let me have a number 4 combo.
Server: Here you go. Enjoy. (pulls out tray with stuffed dog, shoelace, empty cup)
Customer: What's all this?
Server: This is your order. Enjoy.
Customer: What's that supposed to be? (holds up dog)
Server: That's your hot dog. I told you we only use real ingredients.
Customer: And this? (holds up shoelace)
Server: Those are your shoestring fries.
Customer: And the enpty cup?
Server: That's your Coke Zero.
Customer: That does it, I'm going to the place across the street.
Server: Aren't you forgetting something?
Customer: What's that?
Server: You forgot to pay. That'll be $6.50.
Customer: Six-fifty? For a pooch, a shoelace, and an empty cup?
Server: Yes, ma'am.
Customer: Is plastic okay?
Customer: Here. (hands him plastic bottle) I have six hundred and forty-nine more out in the car. (exits)
Server: (looks at bottle) I'm gonna need a bigger cash drawer. (exits)
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