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Elementary, Watson

SHERLOCKIAN TOP 10 LISTS
by Whatsits Galore

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To be absolutely fair, we got this idea from another website that was filled with Top Ten lists of a Sherlockian nature. We tried to add our humble offerings, but they had stopped accepting new entries. These lists were too good to waste, however, so Whatsits Galore presents them here.

Lest you should wonder, we even went back to get the name of the site, intending to post a proper credit, but, alas, it is no more.

10 Things You Should Never Ask Sherlock Holmes

  1. "How's the weather up there?"
  2. "What do you think of Matt Frewer?"
  3. "Ever been to Norbury?"
  4. "So, who's the smartest man in London?"
  5. "Would you like to buy a ticket to the policeman's ball?"
  6. "Who do you like in the Oxford/Cambridge match?"
  7. "Did I tell you I sold your violin on Ebay?"
  8. "Why have you never been knighted?"
  9. "Have you ever met Sigmund Freud?"
  10. "Sherlock who?"

10 Canonical Ways to Off Your Enemy

  1. Sic a vicious dog on him
  2. A Webley
  3. Poisoned darts
  4. Snakebite
  5. Sink him in a quicksand bog
  6. A deadly Chinese fever
  7. Leave the gas jet on
  8. A charcoal brazier
  9. Jellyfish
  10. Toss him over a waterfall

10 Sherlockian-Inspired Gifts for Every Occasion

  1. A gold soveriegn
  2. An unframed portrait of "Chinese" Gordon
  3. A beryl coronet
  4. A goose
  5. A dress of dove-grey silk with ostrich feather trim
  6. A subscription to The Lancet
  7. Chinese porcelain
  8. An emerald tie-pin
  9. A Collection of Clark Russell sea stories
  10. A Stradiverius

10 Sherlockian-Inspired Gifts NOT to Give

  1. Box of severed ears
  2. A single dumb-bell
  3. Tickets to the Gasfitter's Ball
  4. A coal scuttle full of cigars
  5. The Dynamics of an Asteroid
  6. Lemur serum
  7. A Chinese tattoo
  8. Tickets for the Nora Creina
  9. An electric blue dress
  10. A brand new bell pull

10 Things Sherlock Holmes' Mother Might Say If She Came to Visit

  1. "This place is a mess! What do you pay that housekeeper for?"
  2. "I threw it away. What good is one slipper?"
  3. "I'm sure Mycroft could get you a nice, safe government job."
  4. "What do you mean, she's an actress?"
  5. "When am I going to see some grandchildren?"
  6. "You never wear the dressing gown I bought you."
  7. "If you'd only applied yourself, you could've been a doctor, too."
  8. "You look so thin and pale. Are you eating properly?"
  9. "Nice young ladies don't walk around London dressed in male costume."
  10. "Three whole years and you couldn't write?"

All characters & images © Conan Doyle estate
All other content © 2009-2012 Whatsits Galore

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