THE WACKY RACES WINNER'S CIRCLE
by Whatsits Galore
If you grew up in the TV generation, you will remember Hanna-Barbera's cartoon hit The Wacky Races, in which a field of eleven custom cars competed each week for fame, fortune, and fun. Our wacky tote board ranks the racers according to how many 1st-, 2nd-, and 3rd-place trophies they won over the course of the series, awarding 3, 2, and 1 point, respectively. The cars are arranged from lowest score to highest. And we all know who scored lowest, don't we?
Only about half the things Dastardly pulls could really be considered cheating, not when other racers are allowed to bash you with clubs, cut you with saws, and burn you with dragon fire.
And since the announcer sees and, well, announces every move the racers make, nobody would get away with winning by cheating anyway.
Sarge's name is only revealed to be Sgt. Blast in one episode.
The writers seem to enjoy picking on Peter Perfect, probably because his genteel reactions are so funny. His car wins the prize for most break-downs, crack-ups, and downright disintegrations.
In order to set traps in front of the racers, Dick Dastardly has to get well ahead of the pack in nearly every episode. If only he'd spend his time driving instead of scheming, he would certainly win his share of races.
Although the Ant Hill Mob drive the Bulletproof Bomb, the car was called "The Roaring Plenty" during pre-production; in one episode, the announcer actually calls it by that name.
If you had to pick a winner, it ought to be number 3 all the way. Prof. Pat Pending's Convert-a-Car can become anything he can imagine, from a pogo stick to a steam shovel to a submarine. He should be unbeatable. The Red Max would be second, if he could only keep that plane in the air for more than seven seconds.
The series sometimes mistakenly refers to the Slag Brothers as the "Gravel Brothers."
The Ant Hill Mob are as much criminals as Dastardly, yet the announcer, and by extension, the audience, doesn't mind a bit if they win a race.
The one time Dick Dastardly manages to win, he is disqualified for extending the nose of his vehicle. As if the other racers don't pull similar tricks with their own cars. Rufus Ruffcut even extends his neck in one episode, and is declared the winner. Dastardly was robbed!